03 Aug 5 Lessons I have learned moving from NYC to Los Angeles
This post is truly about dealing with change, making a big change and going through the motions of growth. Growth can be exciting, but it can also be painful. When making a positive change it sadly is not as easy as snapping your finger and next you’re happier or more successful and where you want to be, the pain period in between the change is something most do not talk about…I am just documenting this for myself and for anyone else looking to make change or move across the country or hey, even out of the country. The actual point from A to B is more like zip lining through the forest in another country. You’re basically like “WTF” the entire ride…However, once you you arrive you’re like – well that was fun and worth it…Here is how I am dealing with the change at 31 after moving across country.
12 weeks ago I up and moved across the country to Los Angeles in the middle of a pandemic. I made a decision in April 2020 that I would move across the country in May 2020 and figure out the rest later. I always wanted to move to LA and with offices and our NYC store being shut, I decided it was now or never. I was so tired of reading Medium articles on others who “Moved to NYC to LA” to gauge if they were happier or try to understand their thoughts on the differences of the two cities. My vision to move to LA remained strong for the last 5 years, but what is odd is that I traveled to LA for work so many times 10 years ago (literally I was here doing TV every month for 2-3 years) and I never had a desire to move. It was after I “made it” that I felt LA was for me because I needed to reset my burnt out lifestyle of all of the hustle in NYC. I could not imagine having to “make it” in LA unless you are an entertainer or an artist (and you better be right about that or be willing to wait 1-2 decades). NYC pushed me, the energy, the hustle, and the gritty in your face mentality made me strong. LA is the opposite of that. It’s super chill and relaxed and more based off social connections. I decided it was my time and I really had nothing to lose with things basically shut down for most of 2020. After moving here and being here for over 90 days, I will be staying here and growing in bigger ways. I knew before coming to LA the following: Being in a sunnier place will not take away the ups and downs of life. It exists any where. I knew that because this is still “Hollywood” there are opportunists everywhere. I also knew I would miss my friends and family and be sad, but I knew that the growth I would see from this change would far surpass staying in safety. We will see how long I will stay or what my next destination will be. After 3 months I am happy I moved, I am growing and learning a lot about myself, here are some lessons I have learned in 90 days after making a big change:
1. The universe will let you know quickly if you have made a good decision
The universe will respond and give you signs when you are making the right decision in life after a big change. Things will start aligning, it’s what they call “synchronicity” and when things start aligning rapidly you know you are on a better apth. After 30 days of moving to LA I knew I made the right decision. Crazy things started happening to me that were more than a coincidence. The first month moving here, I reached out to a friend and founder of Dogpound Kirk to start working out. Kirk decided to make room in his crazy busy schedule to start training me 4x a week. This is unheard of due to his busy schedule. This was a life change I needed. Then it turns out my good friend Denise Bidot who I have known for 10 years lives on the same block as me! Change can appear like an obstacle and therefore you just do not do it, but when you take a leap of faith, things start to align faster. Sure, things can get worse before they get better…But I know from personal experience that the universe responds to me when I make really good decisions. I have learned the sooner we face our fears, the sooner we can get on to the next phase of our life. This is powerful, take that leap and watch what happens.
2. People are opportunistic anywhere – use them as lessons to grow and help them when you can .
Moving to a new city can be boring if you do not know any one and then you realize it’s time to get a life and make friends if you have no family or friends in your new city (which I do not). How can you make friends during a pandemic? Hello internet and apps..LOL. That’s as far as I am going there as far as details…But you will need and want to meet more people. I HIGHLY suggest meeting IRL naturally via classes, activities you are in to so you can foster genuine connections that are authentic and not forced. But, if there is a pandemic, you are shy or busy, sure go on those apps. I mean right now I am on Bumble BFF meeting other boss babe women and working out. I have been overly cautious because everyone from the East Coast I know says “ I cannot stand the people in LA” because they think they are fake etc. I have met some people here, some are good, some are opportunistic…The key to LA or any new environment is having a strong sense of self so you can see BS from a mile away. I know some people are guarded when it comes to new people, and as adults who has time for one sided relationships? I had a lot of fear of encountering people like this when I moved to LA…But now being here and actually experiencing it, I trust myself more and can see people’s BS way before I even get that close to trusting them. Even if someone is being fake or trying to get over you, it’s a really good lesson and a story to tell. I no longer fear people getting over on me, the stronger you get in yourself the more you can spot people who aren’t good for you, cut them off. PERIODT. LOL Also, karma is so real, who cares if YOU can get something out of them, if you can help them, do it and then move on if you feel the relationship is not mutually beneficial.
3. If you are scared of something, it’s probably best you do it.
I was so scared to move to LA, and even when I could go home at the end of the summer, I was scared to stay. See, the truth is, I wanted to run home a few times to be with friends, family, and back in my nice beautiful skyline apartment. It’s familiar and it is a lot of work getting set up with a new community of genuine friends and connections in another city. I knew that this fear could only mean one thing: growth. I told myself “If it doesn’t scare you, you probably are too comfortable.” This is why I am choosing to stay and fight through the tough times of making a new life in a new city. Sure, it’s scary – but being safe for my entire life is just as scary. Fear and hesitation can be big sign that this was what you should run towards. I have learned this on my journey in LA 🙂
4. You’re not the only one going through change, find others who are as well and grow together
After getting on the internet, apps, social media, I started to find a lot of people who have recently relocated to Los Angeles. I started to talk to and plan things with these people. It was a great reminder that once again, I am not the only one going through this. The ego will let us think that we are the only one “Suffering”. This is NOT true. Go out and find people going through a similar change and make connections. They do not have to be your best friend, but they can be a nice acquaintance to learn from and pass time with. It won’t feel so scary when you realize you are not the only one. Change is amazing, and it’s the only way to elevate your life.
5. Be willing to walk alone, its the only way to truly discover who you really are
Every where I go, I hardly see people alone. It’s like people are afraid to be alone and there is a ton of codependency in this worldI If you are not one of those people, good for you.. But I was terrified to do something alone, however, moving here made me face that fear really quickly. I had friends and family that did not want to or could not move to LA with me. I had one amazing friend that could come with me for the first part of my move which helped me go… But, after she left it felt like the carpet was taken right under my feet. Then I realized, being alone appears scary, but is the only way through spiritual growth and transformation. Do you know the book “Eat Pray Love”? Well, I am reading it and the entire book and why I believe this book became a best selling book of all time is because it’s truly about her journey “alone”. She travels alone around the world, meeting new people to realize, she is “controlling and afraid of being alone”…Well aren’t we all? HAHAH. Please don’t answer that..But the older I get – being “alone” is something we all have to face. There is no hiding from it. Do not stay “stuck” because you are afraid to be alone, I do not want to be 60 with regrets..So I am doing this journey mostly..ALONE. It’s ok. This is true growth.
So these are the 5 lessons I learned so far moving here, I am glad I have moved just so that I can learn more about myself. I do not think moving somewhere else will make you happier or solve your life’s problems. At the end of the day, growth requires change, change is scary, but there is a reward for taking a leap of faith and following your intuition – EVEN IF no one else is willing to walk that journey with you. I thought in my mid twenties “I will be happier in LA, the sun the…” NO, you will not. You will be happier because you did something hard, for yourself, by yourself..No city, place, thing or person can solve the internal fear of change or stop the natural up and downs in life…Only facing your fears and self love can do that…and that comes from self respect.. We all earn self respect by doing to hard $hit in life! If you are thinking about moving or making a big change, do it, just for the right reasons…Good luck, and yes, move to Los Angeles if you can – it is sunnier and some people are shadier..but I am liking it so far!